The Bachelor: Wedding dresses and 50 Shades of Crazy

So guess what, y'all!

The Bachelor is back and his name is Sean and he's ready to get married.

Supposedly.

At least he's ready to find his "true love" from a pool of twenty-five...er...twenty-six eligible women with a pulse, lots of hair, budding careers (that's questionable), and plenty of personality (is that what that's called?).

Background on Sean, he was a castoff from last season's Bachelorette. Poor Sean. But he's back! And with kissing advice from fellow eligible bachelor, Arie. After Arie's bit of advice on how to kiss, it was questionable whether Arie might get the first rose after a make out session with Sean. No such luck.

Anywho, we get some background on some of the contestants eligible women. We've got a single mom of two children, a woman with half an arm, a woman who was adopted after spending time in foster care, a woman psycho for obsessed with 50 Shades of Grey, and the token career woman. Oh, and there's a woman who is a tad bit overly excited about her prospects with Sean. Her name is Tierra and you'll see more of this one. Just wait.

Time for the limo entrance!

And we have some creative gals this time around. One woman sang her introduction to Sean. One woman attempted to back walk-over to Sean, only to spill to the floor and completely flub her gymnastics attempts.

Then there was another woman who insisted on getting the awkward moment of silence out of the way by having an awkward moment of silence. And it was...awkward. It was. I was actually uncomfortable in my own living room.

Then there was a woman who showed up in a wedding dress! Because that's the way to land a man. Just show up in a wedding dress on your first date. He will be sure to know he loves you. Mark my words.

But, wait! Remember Tierra? Well her introduction to Sean went so well, Sean broke the rules and gave her a rose.

That's Tierra! Looks harmless, right?
abc.com

So what do you think happens when a girl walks into a room with the "first impression" rose before there was even time for first impressions? Bam! We've created a villain. And it looks like her name is Tierra.

Throughout the night, Sean decides to be a big ol' rule breaker by giving out roses all night instead of waiting for the big rose ceremony.

Best lines of the night:

"I just wish I wasn't so drunk." - wedding dress girl.

"Do I need a rape whistle?" - Sean and I think that might be a Bachelor first.

Cattiness ensues, women sit wondering, women sit gloating, roses are passed out, women cry, and the biggest shocker of the night? Wedding dress girl gets a rose! What the???

And the 50 Shades of Crazy Girl? She went home. Which was disappointing because I really wanted to see that hot mess on a weekly basis. It's okay, though. She danced her way out. Yikes.

Judging by future scenes, Tierra will be enemy numero uno.

And I can't wait!

See you next week for more crazy!