The Bachelor Recap
Broken Records, Rollercoasters, and We All Fall Down
Who's fond of wedding dresses, falls down staircases, professes love after three weeks, and wants to make sure she is there for the "right reasons?"
You guessed it!
The ladies of the Bachelor!
It's Bachelor Monday, Everybody! Let's dive in!
We start off with a sweaty, shirtless Sean workin' on his fitness. Anyone else wonder if that's his real gym? Only me?
He basically gives his rundown about how this is going to get really hard, he's starting to have feelings, blah, blah, blah.
Cut to the scrubby ladies of the house, clad in their sweat pants and pony tails. They're ready for the carrier pigeon (Chris) and what news he has to bring.
One of the girls, I believe it's Desiree, states something unimportant followed by, "It's what every girl dreams about!"
At that moment, my husband walks through the living room and says, "Really? Every girl dreams about competing with a bunch of girls to bang the same guy?"
Nope! But this is Bachelor Land.
We find out the first date goes to Leslie M. They previously had some pretty steamy chemistry during the romance book shoot and I think she technically got the first kiss.
We see Leslie M. all fancied up, ready for an over the top Bachelor date, but wait! Not for you! You get to go to the...Guiness Museum?
A secret passage way leads to Sean and Leslie's very own stage where they will be challenged to break the world record for longest on-screen kiss. And in front of an audience of people they don't know! Totally happens on a typical first date, right?
Actually, it was so awkward that I think I heard the word "awkward" come from the audience several times, including a shout out from my own teenage boy who happened to be in ear shot.
Despite how NOT normal this date was, they managed to break the record for the longest on-screen kiss. Kudos. This was followed by another roof top date. What's up with all these Bachelor roof top dates? What's wrong with an Olive Garden every now and then? Oh, a Guiness Museum is classy?
Not as classy as all that tongue action Sean is throwing during his kiss with Leslie. Wowza. She got a rose, of course.
Next up was the group date. For me, this is more exciting than the individual dates. Like, way more. The girls played beach volleyball and I use the word "played" loosely. The winning team was to get alone time with Sean and loosing team had to go home. Of course, the loosing team cried.
No crying in Volleyball!
During the alone time portion of the date, Kacee, the girl from a previous season of the Bachelor, decides to pull Sean aside and spend her alone time convincing Sean there is a feud brewing between Desiree and Amanda and it's deeply affecting her. I'm also pretty sure she is drunk at this point because she can barely keep her eyes open.
His response: "Why are you telling me?"
Followed by: "I want you to act like Kacee, not like this crazy person."
Ha ha ha! It was then that I decided I might like Sean a little more.
Lindsey got a rose at the end of this group date, which surprised me, since she's not my fave. Remember Wedding Dress Girl? That's her and she's still hanging on.
The next one on one date goes to AshLee. But evil Tierra reads it and decides to make a joke by reading that Selma would be joining them. Just kidding! Everyone is pissed. I thought it was funny.
Tierra isn't done yet, though. The moment has arrived! Apparently, Tierra takes a fall that none of the cameras caught on film. Sirens are heard, paramedics are called, and Tierra refuses to go the hospital. She does manage to delay Sean's one on one with AshLee and nab some alone time while she "recovers." Well played, Tierra.
AshLee and Sean finally go on their date. They get to go to Six Flags! While there, Sean explains how important charity work is to him. They team up with the Starlight Foundation and hang out with two girls with a mitochondrial disorder who are online besties that are meeting for the first time right there! They spend the evening with the girls and the whole thing is what teddy bears are made of.
Later, AshLee opens up to Sean about her past in foster homes, her adoption, and how important it is to her to adopt. And she makes Sean cry! But it was very touching and the date was the best one so far. After all that, she finally gets a rose. Cue the band, and that's what the Bachelor is made of, Folks!
We think the episode is drawing to the rose ceremony, but Sean has a surprise for Sarah. He has her dog arrive in a limo just so she knows he is thinking about her. I think she is a little...meh.
There is also a series of alone times where Tierra is talking with Sean and then Desiree steals him from Tierra, then Tierra steals him back, then another girl steals him and it's Bachelor musical chairs.
One more surprise...Sean is all - Kacee is crazy, she must go - so he pulls her out of the group of women in her triathlon spandex dress and ousts her in private then sends her home in a van. No limo for you, Kacee!
The rose ceremony commences and women are sent packing with their giant sock buns.
Faves: AshLee, Desiree, and Leslie
Least Faves: Amanda, Lindsey (Wedding Dress Girl), Kacee, and Sarah
There are still some girls we know very little about! Hello? Who is this Catherine chick?
New Drinking Game For Next Week:
Take a shot every time you hear:
- "Man of my dreams."
- "Take it to the next level."
- "I really put myself out there."
- "For the right reasons."
- Or every time you see a sock bun.
We'll all be as drunk as Daniella and Kacee in no time at all!
Until next time, Bachelor Nation!
Catch me on the Morning Blend on Tuesday gossiping about the Bachelor!